About a month and a half ago, I got dreadlocks. I had them before, (twice before now, took them out both times for a guy, different guys, and it was stupid, of course.) It's funny because this time, it was a nagging need to have them back, perhaps to find that part of myself that existed before these a-holes came along and stole all my dignity, or maybe just because I got so sick of styling my hair for hours everyday. There was tons of reasons that I wanted them back, but I found that I had a much harder time deciding whether or not to go through with it. I'd say honestly, I wasn't even one hundred percent sure at the time I was riding up the elevator to the small studio where I was going to get them done.
Why was I having such a hard time? Well, a couple years ago I decided I was going to be a librarian, not an artist/corsetierre after all. With this decision, came a lot of changes for me. For one, I bought nicer and more professional clothes, I started wearing heels, washed my face of the rock star makeup and took out the piercings that were visible. I chose a more conservative environment and I had to fit into it the best I could to be successful. Along with this, I had to honestly consider things that I would do to my body and my appearance. My hair color faded to more natural colors and my tattoos were covered, to never be seen by peers and other staff members. It took about 6 months for me to wear a skirt, due to a rather large tattoo on my shin and even longer for me to decide that I would get a half sleeve and just buy more sweaters. Well despite everything else, the dreadlocks were the most important and seriously a much bigger deal. Dreads don't just get covered up and go away so no one notices them. They're different and most people have this really stupid misconception that they're dirty and smell on top of it.
So I fought with myself for months over whether to really go through with it, thinking all the worst case scenarios, I would lose my job, not be able to get another one due to discrimination (even though I'm highly qualified), which would lead to homelessness and all sorts of other terribleness. It scared me to death really. Underneath everything, the thought that a decision that I made could ultimately ruin my future and my career in one fell swoop was nauseating.
So, I went to Toronto and got them done by my favorite (and only) Loctition Karen at Knot Just Dreads, sat for 4 hours to have my hair turned into a masterpiece.
I had a bit of a nervous breakdown afterward, all of my anxieties about what could happen suffocated me all at once but after a little chat with my Mom, I felt relieved and excited about my new locks. First day back to work was scary, but my boss was overall very sweet about it and commended me on having the guts to be different. Since then, I've feel the blessing of having them every single day. Every compliment I get lets me know that I did the right thing and sometimes (most of the time, really) what makes you happy is the most important thing. It makes other people happy too, and in many cases, it helps them to re-evaluate why they didn't like it in the first place. My very presence forces people to think differently than what they usually would and that makes me proud to be who I am. I'm a professional woman, intelligent and very good at what I do, I just have dreads and I'd like to see someone challenge that. I'll answer every question you have about them, no matter how silly (like do you wash your hair, how long does that last, etc?) and I'll do it with a smile on my face because now they can stop judging other people for having dreads. I like making a difference, it's what I do just by being different.
Moral of the story? Be who you are, and everything else will fall into place.
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